3 Ways to Build & Nurture a Network

Between 2005 -2009, I was arguably the best networker in all of Downriver, MI high schools. In 2005, I entered a new school, Gabriel Richard (GR) Riverview, leaving my former friend group from the Riverview public school systems. With that being said, I did rejoin some of my early Catholic elementary school peers from back in the day, as they were on track to head to GR. One can never have too many friends in high school and by no means was I "the popular kid", however I was fortunate to have a handful of friend groups that I could build connection in. Back in those days, my sole mission was to multiply as many fun & adventurous experiences as possible with as many people as possible. Every weekend, I would aim to create these excursions, trying to convince my parents that both Friday and Saturday were necessary nights to achieve this mission. I had about a 40% conversion rate on locking in both nights as I apparently needed more influencing skills.

Regardless, I remember being the master coordinator of the events. I'd blast out as many calls/texts as my limited cell phone plan would allow for to try and coordinate a squad. I would combine my friend groups, introducing the GR crew to my Riverview crew, this guy to this girl because they thought the other was cute with their Hollister outfits. The more connections I made and the larger my contact list grew, the more successful I felt. At the time, I thought I was simply scratching a connection itch. I didn't realize I was building a network. However, when we dissect my behaviors and actions, it's exactly what was happening.

Why I Hate "Networking" Groups

I'd rather combat the horrific smell of Gracie's diaper change post broccoli consumption 1000 times than attend the traditional "networking" event.  Don't get me wrong, I love the thought behind the concept as a whole. However, I feel the implementation and intention of certain attendees really emphasize the transaction over the connection component.  It's like going on a terrible date where the person across from you is desperately telling you how great they are and why they should be your partner without actually getting to know you.  For those of you who've been at these types of mixers, you know exactly the energy I'm talking about.  

The one group that I feel got it right is a group here in Ann Arbor called Leaders Connect.  Rob Pasick, PhD Psychologist and Executive Coach, started this group about 25 years ago.  He's been successful in ensuring learning and connection are the primary purpose vs. the surface level touch points one feels obligated to do in order to sell their HVAC services.  

#1. Showcase the Authentic You

When we're living as our authentic self, we typically are harnessing and putting into action our unique abilities. Unique abilities are characteristics, traits and skills that separate us from others. These can show up in many ways, such as thinking linearly and analytically to solve problems as efficiently as possible. Some may have a higher level of emotional intelligence, allowing them to better connect and respond to others (or themselves). These unique abilities are amplified if we're showing up as our authentic self in as many engagements as possible. Regardless of what your unique ability is, when you're applying it, you'll tend to emit a higher energetic frequency out in the world. Unfortunately, most people operate at a low energetic frequency, typically fear and anger (The Map of Consciousness Explained, 2020). They crave higher levels of energy and find it magnetic when they enter its presence. Showing up as a highly charged, authentic "you" will instantly attract others towards you. Simply put, don't conform to the way you think others expect you to be, rather show up to gift others with your uniqueness.

#2 Passionately Solve Problems

Given what I stated above about networking groups, most are entering the engagement to "take". When it comes to building any solid relationship, it's all about giving. When I started to date my wife, I was going above and beyond with giving my time, money and other resources in trying to "woo" her. Here we are now, married and 13 month old....win! Learning about the other persons' passion, goals, pain points and vision allows us to creatively insert our unique ability to help them on their journey. In my industry, these opportunities show up all the time.

A good friend of mine who started out as a client looking for fitness/wellness service was sharing with me that his out of state son was struggling with his own health. Now, the original intention of this meeting was to check in on this good friend of mine's fitness progress. Him sharing about his son immediately struck a "humanity" nerve with me. "Tell me more about your son" I asked. I then learned that the son was struggling with some mental health battles and wasn't necessarily on a consistent exercise routine. "If you're open to it, I'd be more than happy to hop on a zoom with your son to chat and see if I can help him establish some traction with his health".

The point of this story is that I identified a problem that this person was looking to solve, one that was outside of their abilities to address. For me, I was ecstatic that I found an opportunity to solve an issue in which my unique ability allowed for. The motive here was to help this person in pain however I knew the extension of my help would endear this person to me even further, solidifying him in my network. Curiosity leads to learning, which leads to greater opportunities to solve problems. Stay curious.

#3 Delight and Surprise

Going above and beyond the expectation is something few tend to strive for. Whether it's in school, work, relationships...mediocrity is becoming more of the norm. Knowing this, delighting and surprising someone with gestures of appreciation or acknowledgment not only feels good on your end, but will solidify any relationship fast! In my previous blog, Appreciation: The New Paycheck, I talk about how appreciating people for their uniqueness is relationship jet-fuel. This principle is critical when it comes to nurturing a network.

In my business, we send handwritten cards to members and loved ones routinely, acknowledging a relatively important moment they're having or had in life. Whether it's a congratulations card for their son getting into their #1 school of choice, the loss of a loved one or a RAH message (Random Act of Humanity), the point of these is to delight and surprise, spread love and endear them into our community more deeply.

Another example I can share is when I was having a great conversation with someone I'd just met in the summer. He was telling me how he'd taken an early retirement to focus more on what he wanted in the next phase of life. Optimal health and wellbeing was the focus of his search. He mentioned that he'd been reading a lot more than he'd ever done in the past which led us to talk about some genre's of personal development books. He seemed to be intrigued with the book I was reading at that time, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: Joe Dispenza. After we parted ways I thought to myself, "I've got to send him the link to that book", then I paused..."I'll just send him a physical copy to save him the leg work". The following week I woke up to the most gracious email from him, thanking me more the thoughtful act.

The intention here isn't to brag but to highlight some personal experiences I can point to that have reinforced how to connect more deeply with others. Thoughtful surprises go a long way in a relational world that is relatively thought-empty.

Wrapping It Up

Creating a truly genuine network requires a lot of "input".

• Give someone the real you.
• Help them solve problems
• Show them how much you appreciate the relationship.

A very simple recipe to follow that should reward you in more ways than one.